SwanQueen Head Canon
by corikane
Summary: These are silly head canons I wrote on tumblr. I've selected them here. They're pretty much about what was going on at that moment on the show, mostly season 3 - in case of confusion. I'm not sure I'll add to them, because I'm not watching the show anymore, but I leave it open. (No copyright infringement intended)
1. SwanQueen head canon 1

Emma: So you're the evil queen.

Regina: Yes. Are you impressed?

Emma: I thought you were taller.

Regina [raises eyebrow]: When was the last time you imagined me poisoning your apples, dear? When you were eight, perhaps?

Emma: More like six but you do have a point there.

Regina: Well, I'm glad I'm everything you were scared of as a child.

Emma: You still kind of are. When I first arrived here you scared the shit out of me, you know?

Regina [smiling]: Well, thank you Ms. Swan. You know it's a lot more work these days to intimidate people. Back home I had these fabulous outfits, tight-fitting, lots of cleavage and, of course, impressive headgear. I miss my wardrobe...

Emma: But look at it this way, even without all that get-up you're still the evilest person around. Everyone's afraid of you.

Regina: That's true... Still, business suits are not quite as classic evil as corsets and leather, not to mention black feathery hats.

Emma: Maybe it's because I wasn't raised in the Enchanted Forest but I think business suits are way scary. In this world there're few things more terrifying than a lawyer... and the way you wear them is pretty hot too.

Regina: ...

Emma: ...

Regina [looks around, getting closer]: Just between the two of us - that cheap leather jacket you're so fond of... works for me.

[Close-up eyesex is commencing.]

Snow [entering]: What is... Get away from my daughter, you witch!

Regina [rolls her eyes dramatically, turns and walks by Snow]: Later.

Emma [staring after Regina, murmuring]: I hope so.

Snow: !

Emma: ...


	2. Swan Queen head canon (Neverland)

Regina: Did you know that the mansion has a fitness room?

Emma: ...

Emma: No, I didn't.

Regina: Maybe you want to come over some day and work out? [stares at Emma's arms.]

Emma [smiles]: Maybe I will.

[Eyesex commences.]

Neal: Can I come too? Running around on this island... man, I didn't realize before how out of shape I am...

Regina: ...

Emma: ...

Regina: No. [turns, walks away]

Emma: ...

Neal: What?

Emma [rolls eyes, walks away]

Neal: Is it because I'm a thief? It's because I'm a thief, right?!


	3. Talking About Things ft the Charmings

David [sits down next to Snow]: Hey.

Snow: Hi, you. [smiles lovingly at him]

David: You know, there's something we should probably talk about.

Snow: What is it, darling?

David: It's about Emma. I think she has feelings for someone...

Snow: I know. I mean, I think she still loves Neal but... I think she has a thing for bad guys... and Hook certainly falls into that category so...

David: No, I don't think it's either of them.

Snow [surprised, looking around]: You don't think... Rumple? I don't think her thing for bad guys goes that far.

David: Not Rumple, Snow. I think she...

Snow: What?

David [looks over to where Regina stands]: ...

Snow: No! Don't even... that is not happening! No, no way! [gets up, walks away]

Emma [sits down next to her father]: Hey.

David: Hey, honey. [kisses her on her head]

Snow [in the distance at Neal]: GET OUT OF MY WAY!

Emma [frowning]: Is mom okay?

David: Yeah, sure. She's... she's just fine, Emma. Just fine.


	4. The Morning After head canon (Granny's)

Regina [enters]: Sheriff Swan.

Emma: Madam Mayor.

[Eyesex commences]

Granny [behind the counter]: Oh, not in my diner.

[Granny comes over]

Granny: Food or sex, you can't have both here.

Regina: ...

Emma: ...

Granny: ...

Regina: We can at my house.

[Regina reaches out her hand, Emma takes it, they leave]


	5. How Snow Found Out head canon (phone ed)

[Snow pulls out cell phone, reads message]

Snow [confused]: What the... Emma?

[Snow makes call]

Emma [on phone]: Hey, mom.

Snow: You sent me a text.

Emma: No, I didn't.

Snow: It says 'Let's stay in tonight and eat each other out instead.'

Emma: ...

Snow: ...

Emma: That one wasn't for you.

Snow: I didn't think it was.

Emma: ...

Snow: Care to tell me who it was for?

Emma: No. ... I gotta go, bye.

Snow: ...

A minute later Snow gets another text.

Message: I still got your number under 'Mayor Mills,' remind me to change that later. E.


	6. Stupid Evil Queen and her Perfect Boobs

Emma: We need a plan... damn, it's too hot. I can't think.

[Emma looks at Regina, then her gaze lowers.]

Regina: ...

Emma: ...

Regina: Somehow I don't think the answer is written on my chest, Emma.

Emma: ...

Emma [blushes]: It's really very hot.

Regina [steps close to Emma, her hand finding Emma's behind, resting there]: Don't worry, dear. If looking at my rack is the most shameful thing you're gonna do to me here, your mother will call herself a lucky woman.


	7. Light My Fire head canon (Neverland)

(Disclaimer: This head canon was brought to you by an anon prompt.)

Regina: Concentrate on your anger.

Snow: It's not right.

Charming: It won't work.

Emma: There's got to be another way.

Regina [rolls her eyes]: All right... there may be something else we can try.

[Everybody looks at her expectantly]

Regina: Are you sure you want your parents here for this?

[Emma frowns]

Regina: Just asking.

[Regina steps behind Emma]

Regina: Concentrate on the fire wood.

[Regina steps closer]

Regina: Concentrate...

[Closer]

Emma: ...

[Closer]

Regina: Concentrate...

[Closer]

Emma [starts sweating]: ...

[Regina moans lustfully into Emma's ear]

[A pillar of fire shoots from the ground where the fire wood had been laid out; everybody takes a step back, except for Regina. As Emma bumps into her, the fire pillar turns a bright red, then dies down as Emma jumps away from Regina.]

Emma: ...

Regina [smirks]: Looks like one of us needs to get laid... and the other one just might want to.

[Eyesex commences]

Snow: Is it too late to talk about this anger-thing?


	8. Henry Wants Two Mommies head canon

Emma [surprised]: Regina!

Regina: I came as quickly as I could. Is Henry all right?

Emma [confused]: Yes, of course, why...

Henry: I sent that message, mom. I wanted to talk to you... both of you.

Regina: ...

Emma: ...

Henry: Can we please sit down together?

[Henry sits down at kitchen counter]

[Emma walks over into the kitchen, Regina hesitates for a moment then sits down next to their son]

Regina: What did you want to talk about, Henry?

Henry: You two.

Emma: Us... two? How do you mean?

Henry [rolls his eyes]: I mean how you sneak around and think nobody notices. How you look at each other... and the sounds that come from your bedroom most nights.

Emma: ...

Regina: ...

Henry: I know what's going on.

Emma: Do you think you're the only one or... do you think that your grandparents know, too?

Regina [rolls her eyes]: You're 30 years old, Emma. The fact that you're having... a private life won't kill them.

Emma: Not the fact that I'm having one but maybe the fact of who I'm having it with will.

Henry: ...

Regina: You're ashamed of me!

Emma: Not ashamed, just... sensitive.

Henry: Moms!

[Emma and Regina look at Henry]

Regina: How do you feel about this?

Emma: I know you thought that your dad and I were going to get together but... well, that's not going to happen. I'm sorry.

Henry: Why would you be sorry? You're in love, aren't you?

Emma [looking at Regina]: Yes... yes, I am.

Regina [smiles]: About time you admitted that, savior.

Henry: And are you?

Regina: I... I... Yes, Henry. I'm in love with Emma.

Henry: Then that's all that matters. Love is all that matters. Snow and David will understand that, too.

Emma: ...

Regina: And if they don't, there's always apple turn-overs.


	9. A Declaration of Love head canon

Emma: I love you, Regina.

[Emma shakes her head]

Emma: Regina, I love you.

Emma: No.

[Emma takes a deep breath, losens her shoulders]

Emma: I love you, babe.

[Emma flinches]

Emma: Damn, why is it so damn hard?

Henry: It's not that hard.

Emma: Henry! Where did you... what... how was school?

Henry: Same old, same old. Now, how do you wanna tell her? Are you going to take her out? On a date? You know, she likes fancy.

Emma: I'm not sure that's the kind of conversation we shouild have, you know?

Henry: Who else are you going to ask for advice? Snow White?

Emma: Good point. So, fancy? That pretty much eliminates all places in Storybrooke but the mansion...

Henry [smiles]: Maybe... maybe it doesn't matter.

Emma: Of course, it matters. I'm not telling just anyone that I love her. It's your mom. She's... special.

Regina [from the door]: I hear they use that word synonymously for 'difficult.'

Emma [whips around]: Regina...

[Regina smiles, her eyes shine with tears]

Emma: I love you.

Regina: Are you sure it's not just my cooking, dear?

[Emma laughs]

Emma: As much as I appreciate your cooking, it's you I love.

Regina: I love you, too, Emma.

[They kiss, Henry stands by and grins until the kissing becomes a little too intense and he leaves his two mothers to it]


	10. Hooks Crypticism (Neverland)

Hook: Oi, love, about that kissing business. I thought, maybe we could engage in some more of that after a delicious dinner of nothing.

[Emma stops walking, hangs her head and sighs. She turns to the pirate]

Emma: Listen, Hook, about the kiss...

Hook [smiles]: It's all about the kiss, lovely.

Emma: Well, it is for you. I'm sorry, Killian, but... I thought I would just try it since you weren't going to stop flirting with me but... it didn't really do anything for me.

Hook: ...

Emma: I'm sorry.

Hook: But it... it meant everything to me.

Emma: I know but I can't pretend I felt anything that I didn't. I'm really sorry, Killian.

Hook: Maybe we should try again? You caught me by surprise and my abilities may have been... restricted by disuse.

Emma: I don't think that would change anything.

Hook: Does this mean you're hooking up with Neal?

Emma: No, that's not what this means. Neal is... Henry's father but he's not my Neal anymore. Too much time has passed.

[Hook nods]

[Regina appears through the foliage]

Regina: If you two are quite finished with your smooching session. We're still looking for Henry, in case you've forgotten.

[Hook walks by Emma, then Regina]

Hook: No need to get jealous, dear. I think goldylocks finally made her choice and I'm not it.

[He leaves them]

[Regina looks at Emma]

[Emma looks at Regina]

Regina: Whatever did he mean by that?

Emma: Damned if I know.

[They resume their trek]


	11. This Kiss head canon

[They look at each other]

[Emma steps closer to Regina, pushing her hair out of her face]

[Regina heaves a breath which is somehow catching in her breast as she feels Emma against her]

[Emma's hand lingers on her face, her eyes leaving Regina's, looking at her lips]

[Regina bites her lower lip]

[They both lean in]

[Their lips meet once, softly]

[They meet again, passionately]

[Emma's hand slides to the back of Regina's head, pulling her closer as she deepens the kiss]

[They kiss for all eternity]


	12. Fair Words of Warning head canon

Regina: Oh, well... Pan told them Neal was alive so, of course, Emma took the bait. Such a waste of time... oh, I'm sorry.

Rumple: No, no, don't be. He's alive.

Regina: What?

Rumple: Pan wasn't lying. My son is here on the island. I've seen him.

Regina: !

Rumple: I know what you're thinking... another biological parent to interfere with your Henry-relationship. Your homocidal thoughts are plainly written on your face, my dear.

Regina: This isn't about Henry... for once.

Rumple: Not about Henry... but... [giggles] The savior? Does the evil queen have her eyes on the savior?

Regina: ...

Rumple [giggles]: Even I didn't see that coming.

Regina: We should get moving, find the others...

Rumple: Are you afraid Neal will get to Emma before you do, dear?

[Regina stops, stands in front of Rumple, very closely]

Regina [hisses]: If he as much as breathes heavily into her direction I will make Emma's lie about him being dead a reality. And not even you will be able to stop me.

[Regina turns and walks purposefully into the green foliage of the island]

Rumple [chuckles]: Seems like Henry's parents are in love, after all. This might blow the plot wide open...


	13. Fair Words of Warning head canon (Emma)

[Emma sits down next to Rumple]

Rumple: Is it your turn to make sure I don't sneak off to kill Henry?

Emma: Does that worry you? Being under suspicion?

Rumple: Under my son's? Yes. Yours? The queen's? I think both of you have already gone over every time I could have killed Henry and didn't...

Emma: Are you insinuating that we trust you? We don't.

Rumple: Talking for the queen?

Emma: ...

Emma: Well, I don't think Regina would trust you this easily. I certainly don't. And just in case you get any ideas about the two of us not being able to take you, we practiced magic while you were gone.

Rumple: Practiced magic, did you? Yes, I think Regina mentioned something like that. [grins]

Emma: Are you making fun of me, Mr. Gold? I trapped the shadow, I used magic to do it... Regina taught me how.

Rumple: Oh, I'm sure she did. Was it as... satisfying for you as it was for her?

Emma: ...

Rumple: I think I'll be lying down now. Goodnight, Emma. [walks over to a cozy looking resting place and lies down]

Emma: Satisfying? [looks over to where Regina pretends to sleep]

[Regina can't help but smile]

Emma: Satisfying. [smiles]


	14. That Other Kiss head canon

Emma: You drive me crazy, do you know that?

Regina [smirks]: Not on purpose, dear.

Emma: But quite purposefully.

Regina: I bet you're better at kissing than puns because your puns are awful.

Emma: Does that mean you want me to kiss you?

Regina: No, I'm just trying to drive you a little crazier.

Emma: Enough with the talking...

[Emma kisses Regina]


	15. It's Getting Hot in Here head canon

Regina [thinks]: It's hot on this island.

[Regina opens button on her shirt]

Regina [thinks]: Look at Emma, all buff and sweaty...

[Regina opens button on her shirt]

Regina [thinks]: She kissed that pirate...

[Regina opens two buttons on her shirt]

[Emma checks out the goodies]

Regina [thinks]: That's more like it!


	16. The Visual Pleasure head canon

Emma: Mom, have you seen my sweater?

Snow: No, I thought you had it in your bag.

Emma: It's not there anymore. - Dad?

Charming: Hm?

Emma: Have you seen my sweater, it's getting a little chilly.

Charming [thoughtfully]: I think I saw Regina take it...

Emma: Regina? Why would she...

[Emma turns to where Regina pretends to be busy. She walks over]

Emma: Have you seen my pullover?

Regina [turning]: I... what did it look like again?

Emma: Black, turtleneck...

Regina [seemingly thinking about it]: I don't recall, no. Maybe Neal took it to keep warm?

Emma: Dad saw you take it.

Regina: Your parents always see me do things I don't. They should both get glasses.

[Emma walks away and continues her search]

Regina [pulling Emma's sweater from her bag]: It's for the greater good... and the visual pleasure of Emma's guns.

[She sets the sweater on fire with a flick of her wrist]


	17. Fighting for Emma head canon

Emma: What're they doing?

Regina [smiles]: They're fighting for the right to woo you.

Emma: They WHAT?

Regina: They're turning into Neanderthals who think they can pressure you into choosing your future mate through display of maculine prowess.

Emma: How long has this been going on?

Regina: They started after their second beers... now they're at their fifth, I think. Look at the score, Hook leads by one but if Neal wins this poker game, they're even again.

Emma: Who's keeping score?

Regina: Leroy. I gave him 20 dollars for it.

Emma: ...

Regina [smiles]: This whole thing wasn't my idea, I just assigned a referee.

Emma: You seem to enjoy this... this insanity.

Regina: Sure, I do. I'm going to suggest a dance-off later, maybe even a strip-off...

Emma: ...

Regina: I find men fighting over women who don't want them amusing, sue me.

Emma: Who says that I don't want at least one of them?

Regina [smiles knowingly]: ...

Emma: All right, maybe... and that's exactly why they shouldn't even be doing this. I'm gonna stop it.

Regina: Too bad. I'm pretty sure the pirate would have won the dance-off. Neal isn't really a dancer, is he?

Emma: Stop it, they... they both have their... respective skills.

Regina: So do I, dear.

Emma [smiles]: I know.

Regina: ...

Emma: Okay, I will shut this down now... will I see you tonight?

Regina: Come by the mansion later... I think I have another skill I can impress you with.

Emma: I'm sure you do.

[They smile at each other, Regina hops from the bar stool and leaves, Emma watches her go with a smile.]


	18. Looking for Regina head canon (New York)

Emma: Regina.

Emma: Regina, where are you?

Emma: REGINA!

Henry: Mom? Wake up, mom. You're dreaming...

Emma [waking]: Re... Henry? What... what happened?

Henry: You were dreaming... loudly. I think you had a nightmare. Another one.

Emma: Did I say anything?

Henry: You were calling someone.

Emma: Calling... who?

Henry: Someone named Regina?

Emma: Regina?

Henry: ...

Emma: I don't know a Regina.

Henry: Maybe you should try meeting her. I think you were looking for her.

Emma: ...

Henry: I'm going back to bed. Night, mom.

Emma: Night, Henry.


	19. Penny for Your Thoughts head canon

[Regina walks into diner]

Emma: ...

Snow: What're you thinking?

Emma [dreamily]: About those magical thighs of doom wrapped around me.

Snow: ...

Emma: ...

Snow: ...

Emma: Did I just say that aloud?

Snow: ...

Emma: So how about that curse, huh?

Snow: ...


	20. The Most Ridiculous Claim head canon

Snow: BUT SHE'S YOUR STEP-GRANDMOTHER!

Emma: ...

Emma: Seriously? THAT'S what you're gonna go with?

Regina: Because I've been such a great mother to you, dear? I'm touched but I think you need your head examined.

[Emma takes Regina's hand, they walk away]

Rumple [giggles hysterically]: I'm sorry, deary, but this is just... [more giggles] ridiculous! [walks away]

[Tinkerbell rolls her eyes at Snow, walks away]

Hook: I can't say that I'm happy with Emma's decision but...Step-grandmother? I don't even think that's a thing, love. [walks away]

Granny: You dug that hole for yourself, Snow, dug yourself in mighty deep... [walks off murmuring to herself]

Belle [looks apologetically]: What Rumple said... sorry. [walks away]

Charming [lays his hand on Snow's shoulders]: You know that I love you, right?

Snow: I love you, too. I don't know why she can't see...

Charming: I love you but... that's just wrong, baby. I'm not happy about them being together, either, but... you must have lost your mind. [walks away]

[Snow looks after Charming, her heart breaking]

Neal: You know, I do think you have a point there.

[Snow looks at Neal, then walks away]

Neal [calls after her]: WHAT?! I WAS AGREEING WITH YOU!


End file.
